Syria, Sunday: The second coming has ended prematurely this week after Jesus Christ become the latest casualty of fighting in the Middle East. Witnesses on the ground are reporting that a man claiming to be the son of God was killed after his message of peace failed to deter an American carpet bombing campaign against Syrian anti-anti-pro-Assad supporters.
Jesus’s father, God, and close relative, the Holy Spirit, have both expressed grief at the death.
Last year, protesters from a campaign rally sued Donald Trump — claiming the future president urged his supporters to assault them.
Now Trump is the president, of course. And while the lawsuit grinds on, with more accusations added last week, he claims he won immunity along with the election.
“Mr. Trump is immune from suit because he is President of the United States,” his lawyers wrote Friday, rebutting a complaint filed by three protesters who claimed Trump incited a riot against them at a Louisville event in March 2016.
Somebody should tell the Donald that the “go fuck yourself I’m the king” defense has been unavailable since 1215 AD.