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Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say

Posted on May 24th, 2014 at 8:06 by Desiato in category: Can you Trump this?, Funny! -- Write a comment


Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”


The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally. Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years. But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.

“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning. “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less. Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station. What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”

The Onion, move over!

  1. The site that ran the story doesn’t seem to be a satire site like the Onion. It’s full of crazy stories (Obama running for a third term?) but it seems to take it seriously.
    In short, it’ll quickly become the go-to site for Right-wingers…

    Draining the sun indeed…

  2. I suspect that in the case of this place, “think tank” is a misnomer.

  3. Experts? Expert at what, generating nonsensical reports about stuff they are totally incompetent at? “If only I had a drain…” – or is that “brain”?

  4. @Spaceman: Experts at draining money out of rich twits. Pretty good work if you can get it.

  5. Subtlety makes for good satire.

  6. Come on: Wyoming Institute of Technology WIT – pronounced “whit”

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