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David Cameron Says Snooper’s Charter Is Necessary Because Fictional Crime Dramas He Watches Prove It

Posted on February 1st, 2014 at 22:35 by John Sinteur in category: News -- Write a comment


You may recall the stories from the past couple years about the so-called “snooper’s charter” in the UK — a system to further legalize the government’s ability to spy on pretty much all communications. It was setting up basically a total surveillance system, even beyond what we’ve since learned is already being done today. Thankfully, that plan was killed off by Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg.

However, Prime Minister David Cameron is back to pushing for the snooper’s charter — and his reasoning is as stupid as it is unbelievable. Apparently, he thinks it’s necessary because the fictional crime dramas he watches on TV show why it’s necessary. I am not joking, even though I wish I was:

In the most serious crimes [such as] child abduction communications data… is absolutely vital. I love watching, as I probably should stop telling people, crime dramas on the television. There’s hardly a crime drama where a crime is solved without using the data of a mobile communications device.

What we have to explain to people is that… if we don’t modernise the practice and the law, over time we will have the communications data to solve these horrible crimes on a shrinking proportion of the total use of devices and that is a real problem for keeping people safe.

Yes, he just said that. Because fictional characters on crime drama TV shows make use of data, that’s somehow proof that it’s necessary. Perhaps someone can send Cameron a copy of Enemy of the State or any other fictional work showing how the government can abuse such information. Or, better yet, let’s have our side stick with reality, and we can just point to real historical events of governments abusing such information.

Okay, let’s try to think up the best way to demonstrate how stupid this is:

– Its the same reason that we should be increasing our ability to hunt down hobbits. If they get control of that ring again it could be the end for us all!

– By this logic, the best way to prevent 9/11 would have been to cover up the small thermal exhaust port on the World Trade Center that led directly to the main reactor.

Anybody else got a good one?

  1. Get rid of all biological weapons.
    If we don’t….zombies!

  2. Ok, reduce the size of the police force by 50% because you can rely on Spiderman, Superman, Batman & Daredevil et al to catch those annoying bank robbers…

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