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What is your best programmer joke?

Posted on March 8th, 2013 at 13:27 by Desiato in category: Funny! -- Write a comment


A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"


(hip hip array!)

Programming is like sex:

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Why programmers like UNIX:

unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

Why doesn’t C++ have a garbage collector?

Because there would be nothing left!

Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?

A: Because he didn’t get arrays.

  1. “A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, ‘Can I join you?'”
    Continued: “One of the tables replies: ‘I would like to, but I am only here for the view'”

    And a classic:

    “There are 10 types of people. Those who don’t know how to count in binary, those who do, and those who know indexing starts at 0”

  2. The fact that people pay good money for bad code and then pay good people to fix it 😉

  3. There are 10 kinds of people in the world — those who understand trinary, those who don’t understand trinary and those who mistake it for binary

  4. Q: How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist?

    A: An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

  5. Or, to follow up on Sue:

    A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

    The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

    “You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.

    “I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”

    “Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but It’s of no use to anyone.”

    The man below replies, “You must work in management.”

    “I do,” replies the balloonist, “But how’d you know?”*

    “Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

  6. A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

    The physicist said “We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed”.

    The engineer said “I think I’ve got a few spanners in the back. I’ll take a look and see if I can work out what’s wrong”.

    The programmer said “Why don’t we get going again and see if it’s reproducible?”

  7. Q: “Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?”

    A: Inheritance

  8. I called the janitor the other day to see what he could do about my dingy linoleum floor. He said he would have been happy to loan me a polisher, but that he hadn’t the slightest idea what he had done with it. I told him not to worry about it – that as a programmer it wasn’t the first time I had experienced a buffer allocation failure due to a memory error.

  9. @John: Are you done now?

  10. yep.

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