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Deuteronomy 25:11-12

Posted on October 8th, 2012 at 9:32 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News -- Write a comment

“Okay anything else we should add or do we vote to close the meeting.”

“I would like to pass a law to cut off my wife’s hand if she touches someone else’s dick.”

“Uh Ted, we already have various laws about executing disobedient wives I don’t see how this is…”

“No but what if she wasn’t disobedient, just trying to be helpful.”

“What!? under what circumstance would she need to grab someone else’s penis to help you? You aren’t laying with men are you Ted?”

“Oh no! no… of course not… I’m just saying, like let’s say I get into a fight. The guy is beating the crap out of me and my wife comes up and grabs his balls to subdue him.”

“And after helping you fend off an assailant, you want to cut off her hand?”

“Yeah, kind of like show her who’s boss.”

“Look whatever, we let Steve have his thing about not entering the house of God with cuts on one’s penis and you are one short so I will just write it up and call it a night. And just so everyone knows I’m not playing favorites just because Ted is my sister’s rapist.”

  1. Why all religions suck! I’d write something similar about the Koran, but then someone would declare a fatwa on me and I’d have to go back into hiding – and I thought the mafia was tough…

  2. john, this is great. Is it from a screenplay you are writing?

    Oh and Spiff, could you maybe drop the use of the word “I”. It might keep the mafia, the CIA and disgruntled posters off your case.

  3. Look, of course the Old Testament is full of less enlightened stuff. Those people hasn’t found Jesus yet.

  4. Did they try looking under the couch?

  5. I don’t think they had couches in the Old Testament. A pinko liberal, he’d be more likely found under the bed.

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