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Frantic Steve Jobs Stays Up All Night Designing Apple Tablet | The Onion

Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 19:23 by John Sinteur in category: Apple


Claiming that he completely forgot about the much-hyped electronic device until the last minute, a frantic Steve Jobs reportedly stayed up all night Tuesday in a desperate effort to design Apple’s new tablet computer. “Come on, Steve, just think—think, dammit—you’re running out of time,” the exhausted CEO said as he glued nine separate iPhones to the back of a plastic cafeteria tray. “Okay, yeah, this will work. This will definitely work. Just need to write ‘tablet’ on this little strip of masking tape here and I’m golden. Oh, come on, you piece of shit! Just stick already!” Middle-of-the-night sources reported that Jobs then began work on double-spacing his Keynote presentation and increasing the font size to make it appear longer.

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  1. That must be why it is so full of DRM goodness… 🙂

  2. The Onion also reported that Apple’s stock is down 3.60% with the following comments:

    Panicked investors dumped shares in this leading tech company on word that CEO Steve Jobs had delivered a trade-show speech in a heather-gray crewneck sweatshirt instead of his trademark black mock turtleneck.



Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 19:16 by John Sinteur in category: Apple

Remember, everything Steve does during a keynote is on purpose:

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20 or better

Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 17:23 by John Sinteur in category: personal, Software

On Amazon, a product with one single 5 star review is rated higher than a product with 200 reviews an average 4.5 star rating.

Is that product with just one reciew better? I don’t think so, so on 20orbetter.com, I only list products that have at least 20 reviews to their name. Amazon doesn’t let you filter based on the number of reviews, so this is filling a gap left by Amazon.

There’s a few features I still want to add – but I’d love some feedback as well. Do I need to add a full-text search? Anything else?

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HuffPost Comedy’s State Of The Union Drinking Game 2010

Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 16:54 by John Sinteur in category: Funny!


Event Instructions
Obama says “let me be clear” Do one shot
Obama says “change isn’t easy” Do one shot
Obama says “make no mistake” Do one shot
Obama says “Let me be clear, change isn’t easy, make no mistake.” He’s screwing with you to get you drunk, so five shots
Joe Wilson yells something Do two shots
Obama yells back Finish the bottle
Obama says “jobs” Do one shot, two if you’re unemployed
Obama says “health care” Do not drink, you will not be given a replacement liver
Nancy Pelosi claps like a seal Do one shot
Nancy Pelosi becomes a seal STOP DRINKING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Obama mentions Bo Put beer in your dog’s water bowl
Michelle Obama wears a slinky dress Go immediately to the HuffPost Style page for close-ups
Joe Biden nods-off/laughs inappropriately/starts talking before the speech is over Do three shots
Obama uses the term “Congressional leadership” Do two shots carefully as all that laughing will make it difficult to swallow
Obama says he’s “fighting for you” Do one shot, two if you believe him
Obama mentions Haiti Text “Haiti” to the number 90999 and donate $10 to the Red Cross

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Which? warns on pirate letters

Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 16:41 by John Sinteur in category: Intellectual Property


Consumer organisation Which? said it has received over 150 enquiries from people who believe they have been wrongly accused of pirating copyrighted content.

ACS:Law sends out letters offering to settle the file-sharing accusation in exchange for £500. The company gets its information from internet service providers.

The scheme was run by lawyers Davenport Lyons but was transferred, along with some staff, to ACS:Law last summer.

Which? said it had been contacted by over 150 people, with even more getting in touch after the last wave of letters.

One letter to Which? said: “My 78 year old father yesterday received a letter from ACS law demanding £500 for a porn file he is alleged to have downloaded. He doesn’t even know what file sharing or bittorrent is so has certainly not done this himself or given anyone else permission to use his computer to do such a thing.”

In other words, ACS law is just running an old-fashioned protection racket. Imagine what would happen if they could cut off your internet after the third letter…

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Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 16:20 by John Sinteur in category: Cartoon


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Science Channel Refuses To Dumb Down Science Any Further | The Onion

Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 16:11 by John Sinteur in category: News


Frustrated by continued demands from viewers for more awesome and extreme programming, Science Channel president Clark Bunting told reporters Tuesday that his cable network was “completely incapable” of watering down science any further than it already had.

“Look, we’ve tried, we really have, but it’s simply not possible to set the bar any lower,” said a visibly exhausted Bunting, adding that he “could not in good conscience” make science any more mindless or insultingly juvenile.

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First picture of the Apple Tablet leaks!

Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 15:59 by John Sinteur in category: Apple

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  1. And here I thought it was the one you turned upside-down and shook to erase… Or did Microsoft patent that one?

Burning Time

Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 9:05 by John Sinteur in category: Puzzle


You have two one-hour fuses: If you light one, it will be consumed in exactly one hour.Unfortunately, they’re badly made — some sections of each fuse burn faster than others. You know only that each full fuse will burn in one hour.Using only these two fuses and matches to light them, how can you tell when 45 minutes have passed?

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  1. light both ends of first fuse, and one end of 2nd fuse at the same time. 30 min later, first fuse (lit both ends) will burn out. At this point, light the 2nd end of 2nd fuse (still burning from one end). 15 min later, 2nd fuse will burn out. Total = 45 min.

  2. Ooh. yj, that’s clever. (:

    Hey, John, maybe you should come up with another category for puzzles? They’re not news. ;p I like them!

  3. Yeah… when I can’t think of a category, I just leave it defaulting to “news”. Perhaps I should rename it to “bog if I know how to call this” or something…

  4. This was a puzzler on the NPR radio show “Car Talk” a year or 2 ago. Still, it’s neat.

Poll: Fox most-trusted news outlet

Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 8:04 by John Sinteur in category: News


A new poll shows Fox News is the only major TV news operation in the country given a positive review, thanks to Republicans and independents.

Public Policy Polling reports 49 percent of those surveyed trust Fox. The other big media guns – CNN, NBC, CBS and ABC – are wallowing in red polling territory.


As for the poll, after Fox comes CNN, with 39 percent of those polled saying they trust the cable giant. Next is NBC, with 35 percent trusting it; 32 percent trust CBS; 31 percent back ABC.

The most trusted network is also the network whose target audience has the lowest level of critical thinking skills.

Makes sense.

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  1. ah, once again I see that for some reason the percentages don’t add up to hundred…
    lets see, 49 + 39 + 35 + 32 + 31 = 186…
    if for some reason its not meant to add up to 100%, then im sorry and u may laugh at me 🙂

  2. <nelson> HA HA </nelson>

    You can trust more than one network, you know…

  3. And there’s a difference between trust and preference. Not sure if any of these network boosters/trustees have that cleared up.

  4. I like the comment “It’s the sinking of the Democrats and the rising of Fox News with the anger of voters at the Democrats in power.” Actually it is further indication of the steady decline in critical civic thinking and the rise of the wholesale acceptance of news as entertainment along the lines of the “friday night smackdown.” What a stupid F**king country.

  5. Why pussyfoot around – Why didn’t they just say people with IQs in single figures are told what to do, say, think, etc …… by Fox and they enjoy it! Meanwhile the country has gone to the dogs.

Ailing Banks Favor Salaries Over Shareholders

Posted on January 27th, 2010 at 7:22 by John Sinteur in category: Robber Barons


At some banks, the relationship between pay and profit is a bit tenuous. In 2005, for instance, Morgan Stanley made a pretax profit of $7.4 billion. That year, compensation at the bank averaged $212,000 for each employee. Last year, Morgan Stanley made about $857 million before taxes. But compensation averaged $235,000 for each employee.

In other words, Morgan Stanley employees collected roughly 61 cents out of every dollar the bank made in 2005, and about 94 cents of every dollar last year.


“If the shareholders would wake up, executive compensation would not be what it is,” he said.

The problem is that the larger shareholders, who could presumably do something about this, are usually big institutions themselves, like pension funds. The people running those have no personal interest in curbing executive pay, so they won’t. Meanwhile the small shareholder, and the owner of a pension fund, is getting royally screwed.

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  1. I have to say, if EACH Morgan Stanley employee got $235,000 as their salary, I’d be much less unhappy. Sadly, it’s the old joke about Bill Gates walking into a pub and everyone’s average salary jumping up by a couple of mil.

    The office staff etc. are certainly paid a LOT less than that and the selfish barstewards at the top are getting much, much more.

    The idea of passing legislation so that the top-earner cannot earn more than 5x what the lowest earner gets sounds better and better every day…