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Nebraska Woman Sues All Homosexuals

Posted on May 6th, 2015 at 13:58 by John Sinteur in category: batshitinsane, Pastafarian News


Because Jesus:

An Auburn woman calling herself an ambassador for God and his son, Jesus Christ, filed a federal lawsuit Friday against all homosexuals.

Sylvia Driskell, 66, said in the suit that she is petitioning the U.S. District Court of Omaha to be heard “in the matter of homosexuality. Is homosexuality a sin, or not a sin?”

Driskell will be representing herself in the case of (I’m not making this up) Driskell v. Homosexuals.

Because no attorney’s touching this one with a ten-foot pole.

No word yet on who’s representing every gay person ever. Or how they’re all gonna fit inside the courtroom.

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Chlamydia outbreaks hits nearly 10 percent of small Texas school in district with no sex-ed policy

Posted on May 4th, 2015 at 22:18 by John Sinteur in category: bleeding obvious


According to the Crane Independent School District Student Handbook for 2014-2015, the district “does not offer a curriculum in human sexuality.” In 2012, the district’s School Health Advisory Committee had recommended Scott & White’s “Worth the Wait” Abstinence Plus curriculum if a sexual education policy was adopted.

In fact, Texas state law requires any sex-ed course to devote more attention to abstinence than any other behavior. And students must be taught that abstinence until marriage is the best way to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.


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Two shot dead after they open fire at Mohammed cartoon event in Texas

Posted on May 4th, 2015 at 13:09 by John Sinteur in category: News


Two men opened fire outside an event holding a cartoon contest of the Prophet Mohammed before they were shot dead by police in suburban Dallas Sunday night.

While details about the gunmen, including their religion or their motive, weren’t immediately known, the shooting — as was the case in France in January and Denmark in February — targeted a facility where depictions of the revered Muslim prophet was being caricatured.

And it quickly reignited the debate on free speech versus provocation.

The keynote speaker at the event in Garland was right-wing Dutch politician Geert Wilders, who was placed on an al Qaeda hit list. And it was organized by the American Freedom Defense Initiative — considered an anti-Muslim group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, which tracks hate groups.

Geert was there not because of the cartoons, but because most of his political funding comes from a few wealthy US wing-nuts. He must be very happy with the event, since he was a total unknown in the US until today. This will no doubt get him more funding.


To the security guards at the event: well done!

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  1. I just hope the Christians don’t find out about the Sistine Chapel.

  2. If I was armed and wanted to run in to a conventionroom full of people, Texas wouldn’t be my first choice. Ah well it shows again how stupid these religious nuts are.

  3. Why don’t they just advertise these events as “target practice”? I think most people would avoid them like the plague.

  4. And what would be gained by that? That people can’t attend a congress in all freedom?

The Truth About Smartphone Apps That Secretly Connect to User Tracking and Ad Sites

Posted on May 3rd, 2015 at 19:12 by John Sinteur in category: Google, Privacy


Vigneri and co began by downloading over 2,000 free apps from all 25 categories on the Google Play store. They then launched each app on a Samsung Galaxy SIII running Android version 4.1.2 that was set up to channel all traffic through the team’s server. This recorded all the urls that each app attempted to contact. Next they compared the urls against a list of known ad-related sites from a database called EasyList and a database of user tracking sites called EasyPrivacy, both compiled for the open source AdBlock Plus project. Finally, they counted the number of matches on each list for every appThe results make for interesting reading. In total, the apps connect to a mind-boggling 250,000 different urls across almost 2,000 top level domains. And while most attempt to connect to just a handful of ad and tracking sites, some are much more prolific.Vigneri and co give as an example “Music Volume Eq,” an app designed to control volume, a task that does not require a connection to any external urls. And yet the app makes many connections. “We find the app Music Volume EQ connects to almost 2,000 distinct URLs,” they say.And it is not alone in its excesses. The team say about 10 percent of the apps they tested connect to more than 500 different urls. And nine out of 10 of the most frequently contact ad-related domains are run by Google.


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  1. The free market at work…

  2. I guess if you set your volume too high you will see hearing aid ads. If you turn it up to 11 you’ll get ads for metal concerts.

  3. Oudated information. The Android version 4.1.2 still runs on only 15% of the devices now. In later versions of Android it is possible to set exactly what information an App can get access to (Privacy Protection setting).
    Nice to know although what happened in those previous versions.

  4. And these things are so simple and clear to every user they will happily click yes when installing that calculator app that asks for access to everything in your phone.

    So are you going to curate everything installed in your mothers phone for her with these Privacy Protection setting, or do you tell her to go to a curated environment where a calculator app that wants access to your location doesn’t even make it into the app store?

‘Inequality Is a Choice’

Posted on May 3rd, 2015 at 14:37 by Sueyourdeveloper in category: News


“I overheard one billionaire — who had gotten his start in life by inheriting a fortune — discuss with another the problem of lazy Americans who were trying to free ride on the rest,” Stiglitz writes. “Soon thereafter, they seamlessly transitioned into a discussion of tax shelters.”

Say what?

We as a nation have chosen to prioritize tax shelters over minimum wages, subsidies for private jets over robust services for children to break the cycle of poverty. And the political conversation is often not about free rides by corporations, but about free rides by the impoverished.

Those poor billionaires!

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Texas Governor Deploys National Guard To Stave Off Obama Takeover

Posted on May 3rd, 2015 at 9:35 by John Sinteur in category: News


Let’s walk over by the fence where nobody can hear us, and I’ll tell you the story.

You see, there are these Wal-Marts in West Texas that supposedly closed for six months for “renovation.” That’s what they want you to believe. The truth is these Wal-Marts are going to be military guerrilla-warfare staging areas and FEMA processing camps for political prisoners. The prisoners are going to be transported by train cars that have already been equipped with shackles.

Don’t take my word for it. That comes directly from a Texas Ranger, who seems pretty plugged in, if you ask me. You and I both know President Obama has been waiting a long time for this, and now it’s happening. It’s a classic false flag operation. Don’t pay any attention the mainstream media; all they’re going to do is lie and attack everyone who’s trying to tell you the truth.

Did I mention the ISIS terrorists? They’ve come across the border and are going to hit soft targets all across the Southwest. They’ve set up camp a few miles outside of El Paso.

That includes a Mexican army officer and Mexican federal police inspector. Not sure what they’re doing there, but probably nothing good. That’s why the Special Forces guys are here, get it? To wipe out ISIS and impose martial law. So now you know, whaddya say we get back to the party and grab another beer?

It’s true that the paranoid world-view of right-wing militia types has remarkable stamina. But that’s not news.

What is news is that there seem to be enough of them in Texas to influence the governor of the state to react — some might use the word pander — to them.

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  1. Can you spell paranoid delusion?

  2. Someone took over Texas, but it’s not Obama. What’s even more interesting is who’s taken over the GOP, and it ain’t the Tea Party. It’s fascists!

Judge: Feds owe trucking company nothing over DEA informant murder

Posted on May 2nd, 2015 at 20:16 by John Sinteur in category: News


A federally deputized corporal from the Houston Police Department decides to pay your small company’s driver to drive your truck to the Mexican border, load it up with illegal drugs, and try to catch some bad guys.   He knows that the driver is lying to “the owner” – although he doesn’t know your name or identity and doesn’t bother to find out.   The bad guys outwit the cops.   Your company’s driver is killed.   Your truck is riddled with bullet holes.

 Query:   is our federal government liable to pay for the damages to you and your property?

 Answer:   Nope. 


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  1. Basically, they are saying that they can steal your gear, murder an employee, and you can’t do squat about it! This is just so wrong on so many levels! I hope he can appeal…

GOP Congressman: Since We Can’t Impeach Obama, We’re Not Going To Confirm Anyone

Posted on May 2nd, 2015 at 13:58 by John Sinteur in category: News


Arizona Rep. Paul Gosar last week said even though Republicans cannot impeach President Obama, they can refuse to confirm any of his appointments.

Speaking in Parker, Arizona, Gosar, a Republican serving in Congress since 2011, said that all people appointed by Obama should be blocked, no matter “how good of a person you are.”

“You may not be able to impeach a president,” he said. “But boy I tell you what: remember, we have the right of advise and confer. Nobody gets confirmed. Nada. Nobody. None. I don’t care how good of a person you are. You’re not gonna get it.”

The House of Representatives does not confirm presidential appointments. That power rests solely with the Senate.


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Samsung design copy

Posted on May 2nd, 2015 at 13:25 by John Sinteur in category: Apple

The thing I find most striking is how hard it is to do a good Jony Ive impression. Here, compare with this:

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The UKIP Virus

Posted on May 2nd, 2015 at 9:21 by John Sinteur in category: News

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eCall in all new cars from April 2018

Posted on May 1st, 2015 at 23:55 by John Sinteur in category: News


Today the European Parliament voted in favour of eCall regulation which requires all new cars be equipped with eCall technology from April 2018. In the event of a serious accident, eCall automatically dials 112 – Europe’s single emergency number.

It communicates the vehicle’s exact location to emergency services, the time of incident and the direction of travel (most important on motorways), even if the driver is unconscious or unable to make a phone call.

I suspect they won’t enforce this in the sense that they will pull over any cars without the system active. Which means that this gives you an excellent “plausible deniabilty” . As in, “no your honour, I was at home – there’s no trace of my car or phone being anywhere else…”

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Nation On Edge As Court Votes Whether To Legalize Gay Marriage Now Or In A Few Years

Posted on May 1st, 2015 at 21:00 by John Sinteur in category: News

WASHINGTON—Anxiously anticipating the Supreme Court’s decision on the issue, the nation was reportedly on edge Wednesday as it waited to see whether the court would legalize gay marriage now or in a few years. “Americans are standing by with bated breath while the justices decide whether to recognize same-sex couples immediately or in two or three years when public opinion has shifted even more overwhelmingly in favor of gay marriage,” said legal analyst Jermaine Masse, adding that whether the court would legalize gay marriage at once or merely very soon was still too close to call at this time. “At this very moment, nine individuals are deciding whether to fundamentally alter this country’s definition of marriage right away or by the end of 2018, latest. What’s at stake is nothing less than a 24- to 36-month delay on same-sex marriage being the law of the land.” Masse went on to say that the fact that the nation’s highest court agreed to hear the case in the first place signaled that it was prepared to reject the more conservative notion that gay marriage could wait until the end of the decade.


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  1. Hopefully they can read the handwriting on the wall…

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Posted on May 1st, 2015 at 20:37 by John Sinteur in category: News


In the latest of a long line of problems plaguing Boeing’s 787 Dreamliner, which saw the company’s fleet grounded over battery issues and concerns raised over possible hacking vulnerabilities, the new software bug was found in plane’s generator-control units.

The plane’s electrical generators fall into a failsafe mode if kept continuously powered on for 248 days. The 787 has four such main generator-control units that, if powered on at the same time, could fail simultaneously and cause a complete electrical shutdown.

“We are issuing this AD [airworthiness directive] to prevent loss of all AC electrical power, which could result in loss of control of the aeroplane,” said the Federal Aviation Administration directive. “If the four main generator control units (associated with the engine-mounted generators) were powered up at the same time, after 248 days of continuous power, all four GCUs will go into failsafe mode at the same time, resulting in a loss of all AC electrical power regardless of flight phase.”


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  1. FYI: (2^31)/24/60/60/100 = 248.55

  2. Pilot to co-pilot. Where is that big red switch?

  3. Oh, just recompile it.

Freddie Gray’s Death Ruled a Homicide

Posted on May 1st, 2015 at 19:35 by John Sinteur in category: News


The death of Freddie Gray has been ruled by the medical examiner’s office as a homicide caused by severe trauma.

State’s Attorney Marilyn Mosby, the chief prosecutor for Baltimore, announced this morning that her office has also found probable cause to pursue criminal charges in connection to the case.

Five of the six police officers are now in custody, Baltimore mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake confirmed this afternoon.

Officer Caesar R. Goodson Jr.: Second-degree depraved heart murder, involuntary manslaughter, second-degree assault, manslaughter by vehicle, misconduct in office.

Officer William G. Porter: Involuntary manslaughter, second-degree assault, misconduct in office.

Lt. Brian W. Rice: Involuntary manslaughter, second-degree assault, misconduct in office, false imprisonment.

Officer Edward M. Nero: Second-degree assault, misconduct in office, false imprisonment.

Officer Garrett Miller: Second-degree assault, misconduct in office, false imprisonment.

Sgt. Alicia D. White: Manslaughter, second-degree assault, misconduct in office.


Marilyn J. Mosby, is only 35 years old and has been on the job for 4 months. She won the post by campaigning on the platform that she would hold police accountable. Let’s hope she stays safe.

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  1. Does she have police protection?

Irate Congressman gives cops easy rule: “just follow the damn Constitution”

Posted on May 1st, 2015 at 10:41 by John Sinteur in category: Privacy, Security


It’s a fundamental misunderstanding of the problem. Why do you think Apple and Google are doing this? It’s because the public is demanding it. People like me: privacy advocates. A public does not want an out-of-control surveillance state. It is the public that is asking for this. Apple and Google didn’t do this because they thought they would make less money. This is a private sector response to government overreach.

Then you make another statement that somehow these companies are not credible because they collect private data. Here’s the difference: Apple and Google don’t have coercive power. District attorneys do, the FBI does, the NSA does, and to me it’s very simple to draw a privacy balance when it comes to law enforcement and privacy: just follow the damn Constitution.

And because the NSA didn’t do that and other law enforcement agencies didn’t do that, you’re seeing a vast public reaction to this. Because the NSA, your colleagues, have essentially violated the Fourth Amendment rights of every American citizen for years by seizing all of our phone records, by collecting our Internet traffic, that is now spilling over to other aspects of law enforcement. And if you want to get this fixed, I suggest you write to NSA: the FBI should tell the NSA, stop violating our rights. And then maybe you might have much more of the public on the side of supporting what law enforcement is asking for.

Then let me just conclude by saying I do agree with law enforcement that we live in a dangerous world. And that’s why our founders put in the Constitution of the United States—that’s why they put in the Fourth Amendment. Because they understand that an Orwellian overreaching federal government is one of the most dangerous things that this world can have. I yield back.

Rep. Ted Lieu (D-CA)

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  1. When the trade towers were hit, the anger and fear that were generated translated into the Afghan war, which was justifiable, and the Iraq war, justified by lies that a fearful public swallowed. And the Patriot Act, which a fearful public swallowed. So, people may not have been thinking that what they were asking for was a surveillance state, but at that point they didn’t care. It was “save us, daddy”. I don’t know how much that has changed, but we got what we asked for. We. We The Shameful People.

  2. @John Dominingue: It gives me hope that you say that. Things can be changed. “There is a tide in the affairs of men…etc.”

Milledgeville Church Sign Raises Objections

Posted on May 1st, 2015 at 9:28 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


A Milledgeville church known for stating what some would call extreme beliefs, now threatens the lives of gay people.

Robert Owens was just casually riding his bike on North Columbia Street in Milledgeville when he noticed a sign that read “Homesexuality is a Death Worthy Crime.”

“This is the first time that I have ever seen anything that actually crossed the line and was inferring death upon a group,” Owens said.

Having gay family members and friends, Owens says he found the sign to be very offensive.

“If it said being bald or blind or short or fat or blue-eyed or red head, if any of those were death worthy crimes, if they were causing people think “wow those people really need to die” that’s a terrible thing, that’s crossing line,” Owens said.

The person responsible for the sign is Pastor Robert Lee of the Ten Commandments Church.

Lee says he sees nothing wrong with the sign and was just quoting Leviticus 20:13, a scripture in the Bible.

“Homosexuality is an abomination, and the Bible says that homosexuality is a death worthy crime,” Lee said.

The guy probably has a Grindr profile…

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  1. Ten commandments? Love thy neighbour? (Or neighbor, for my neighbour’s sake).

  2. And the bible says you should stone your disrespectful children to death. Let’s get going. I’m sure god thinks that cherry-picking his book is an abomination.

Colorado GOPers claim IUDs cause abortions, scrap program that reduced teen birthrate by 40 percent

Posted on May 1st, 2015 at 9:20 by John Sinteur in category: News


Republicans on a Colorado state Senate committee this week voted to end a contraception program that proponents said had helped to reduce the teen birthrate by 40 percent in recent years.

And if you need more evidence that this isn’t about abortion, but just about “punishing” women for having “sinful” sex, read this.

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  1. Punishing poor women. Rich people have options.


Posted on May 1st, 2015 at 8:48 by John Sinteur in category: News

liftM hudak >>= higherPlane

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France’s Intelligence Bill: legalising mass surveillance

Posted on April 30th, 2015 at 18:16 by John Sinteur in category: News


The French government claims its new Intelligence Bill is defined in opposition to the American and British models – but this just doesn’t hold once the text is examined. Quite the contrary.


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Ruth Bader Ginsburg eviscerates same-sex marriage opponents in court

Posted on April 30th, 2015 at 15:07 by Sueyourdeveloper in category: News


“Marriage was a relationship of a dominant male to a subordinate female,” she explained. “That ended as a result of this court’s decision in 1982 when Louisiana’s Head and Master Rule was struck down … Would that be a choice that state should [still] be allowed to have? To cling to marriage the way it once was?”

“No,” replied John Bursch, the somewhat chastised lawyer for the states who are seeking to preserve their ban on gay marriage.

A stick-waving old lady stands up to the new political correctness of our times. Mercenary legal help doesn’t stand a chance.

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Missouri Woman, a Satanist, Will Claim “Religious Freedom” to Get Out of 72-Hour Abortion Waiting Period

Posted on April 30th, 2015 at 15:04 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


This letter constitutes my acknowledgment that you have notified me of the state mandated waiting period, but demands that you do not abide by this obligation because the waiting period offends my sincerely held religious beliefs, which take precedent.


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  1. An example of the Law of Unintended Consequences? This actually could be really big!

‘Am I being executed?’ Brazilian killed by Indonesia unaware until end, says priest

Posted on April 30th, 2015 at 14:57 by John Sinteur in category: News


Doctors had diagnosed the Brazilian with paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. A second diagnosis, commissioned by Indonesia’s attorney general, has not been made public.

Father Charlie Burrows, a priest who ministers to prisoners in Cilacap, said he had tried in vain to explain to Gularte for three days that he was about to be killed.

“He was hearing voices all the time,” Burrows told Irish radio. “I talked to him for about an hour and a half, trying to prepare him for the execution. I said to him, ‘I’m 72 years old, I’ll be heading to heaven in the near future, so you find out where my house is and prepare a garden for me.’

“But when they took [the prisoners] out of the cells … and when they put these bloody chains on them, he said to me, ‘Am I being executed?’ ” Burrows said.

“I said, ‘Yes, I thought I explained that you.’ He didn’t get excited – he’s a quiet sort of a guy – but he said, ‘This is not right.’

“He’s lost because he’s a schizophrenic. He asked if there was a sniper outside ready to shoot him, and I said no, and whether somebody would shoot him in the car, and I said no,” Burrows said.

After Gularte was strapped to a wooden plank, Burrows was permitted to see him again: “He said, ‘This is not right, I made one small mistake, and I shouldn’t have to die for it.’ So he was annoyed more than anything else, because he’s a soft-spoken, quiet and sensitive man.”


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Anonymous Activist Gets Potholes Fixed By Drawing Giant Penises Around Them

Posted on April 30th, 2015 at 13:54 by John Sinteur in category: News


Like many cities, Manchester, England, is plagued with potholes. One half-mile stretch of road can have as many as 70 holes. After claiming he saw his friends injured in pothole-related bike accidents, one anonymous resident has taken matters into his own hands.

He goes by Wanksy. And using what appears to be an industrial level chalk, he draws penises around the potholes, creating moments of visual terrorism that the city can’t ignore. Really. Because according to the Manchester Evening News (MEN), within 48 hours of Wanksy’s efforts, many of Manchester’s problematic potholes, which had been a nuisance for years, were filled. Within a week, even more were fixed.


A Bury council spokesman points out that “Every penny that we have to spend cleaning off this graffiti is a penny less that we have to spend on actually repairing the potholes!”


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  1. Wanksy is stretching it a bit. Surely holes are vaginas, mouths or anuses?

  2. To the Bury council spokesperson: So, if what you say were true, then why didn’t these get fixed before Wanksy had to push your face in the “evidence”? Suck on it, asshole!

A Closeted North Dakota Republican Had His Grindr Messages Leaked After He Voted Against an Anti-Discrimination Bill

Posted on April 29th, 2015 at 14:44 by John Sinteur in category: News


Randy Boehning is a 52-year-old Republican who has been a state legislator in North Dakota since 2003. His district, like much of the state, is extremely red; unsurprisingly, he was one among the many state lawmakers who earlier this month voted down a bill that would have banned discriminating against someone because of their sexual orientation.

What makes Boehning’s stance against the bill significant is that he’s apparently “looking” on Grindr.



Boehning, who clarified to the paper he’s also attracted to women, added that he voted against the bill because that’s what his constituents wanted. “You don’t tell everyone you’re going to vote one way and then switch your vote another way—you don’t have any credibility that way,” he said.

Of all the times for a congressman to show a trace of integrity, it HAD to be now?

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  1. He’s a state representative, not a congressman… Sorry, picking nits here. :-)

  2. Did his parents name him Randy, or is it his nature?

We are? I was not aware…

Posted on April 29th, 2015 at 14:32 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News

We are? I was not aware...

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Bernie Sanders to challenge Hillary Clinton from the left in 2016 election

Posted on April 29th, 2015 at 11:11 by John Sinteur in category: News


Bernie Sanders, the Vermont senator whose clarion warnings on climate change and full-throated calls for banking reforms have made him a favorite among progressives, plans on Thursday to announce that he will challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination for US president, his advisers have indicated.“Bernie for a while has said he’s going to make a decision at the end of the month,” said a close adviser. “On Thursday, he’ll put out a statement. Unless something dramatically changes in next 48 hours, he’s decided he’s going to run for president, and he’ll be launching his campaign in May up in Vermont.”


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Miss Piggy wins Brooklyn Museum award for outstanding women

Posted on April 29th, 2015 at 10:30 by John Sinteur in category: News


A prestigious award from the Brooklyn Museum honors women who have made outstanding contributions in their fields.This year’s surprise honoree is…

Miss Piggy.


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  1. Didn’t I see her on the front page of a supermarket magazine just today? Or was that Madonna? It’s hard to be sure. Something to do with sex and torrid underwear apparently.

Drug dealer: Cops leaned me over 18th floor balcony to get my password

Posted on April 29th, 2015 at 9:14 by John Sinteur in category: Security


Cascioli says [Officer Thomas] Liciardello asked him a question: “Have you ever seen Training Day?”

When Cascioli said yes, Cascioli says Liciardello looked him in the eyes and said: “This is Training Day for f—ing real,” and then instructed officers Norman and Jeffrey Walker to take him to the balcony.

According to Cascioli and the indictment, Liciardello told them to “do whatever they had to do to get the password.”

Out on the balcony, Cascioli says officers Norman and Walker lifted him up by each arm and leaned him over the balcony railing.

relevant xkcd


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We cannot eat Bibles: Nepal tells #SoulVultures

Posted on April 28th, 2015 at 17:31 by John Sinteur in category: Pastafarian News


More than 100,000 paperback-edition Gideon Bibles have arrived in Nepal to provide relief for the millions of Nepalese desperate for help following the devastating 7.8 magnitude earthquake that has struck the country.But the jet loaded with skids of boxed Bibles was called misguided and “dumber-than-dumb-ass” by rescue groups and world governments alike.The Nepal PM asked, “Do they think Nepal is a Motel?”“We cannot eat Bibles. We cannot use them as shovels.”


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  1. i’d like to know who thought it was a good idea to send them, but the link is down.

  2. There are lots of uses for paperbacks, toilet paper for example. Although the Old Testment might be a little harsh for sensitive posteriors

  3. Silly rabbit, toilet paper bibles are only for Americans.

  4. The story was originally published on The Lapine. This is a satirical publication; the story was a fake, meant for laughs.

  5. Poe’s Law strikes again.

console.mihai(); – Incompleteness

Posted on April 28th, 2015 at 13:27 by John Sinteur in category: News


A few days ago Mihai Șucan went home to Romania. We’re not expecting him to fix any more bugs in Firefox, but I’d like to raise a glass of Țuică, to the 1919 bugs that he has been involved in fixing in Firefox.


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  1. Please allow me to raise a glass with you. After reading about him I can only say that this was one incredible human being.

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